How to talk to someone about their gambling
While no one can make gamblers stop gambling, you can support them by talking to them about their gambling, not giving or loaning money, becoming knowledgeable about harmful gambling and encouraging the person to seek help.
The best approach is the direct approach - just ask the person about their gambling. Consider how you might be willing to support or assist them and tell them you care about them.
If you think they could be experiencing harm from gambling, tell them what you have observed. Then ask for their feedback on your observations. To avoid defensive responses, it is best to try and avoid arguments, taking care not to place blame on the person. Keeping positive is a good approach so the person feels your concern and understands that there are some ways that you would consider helping.
With regard to finances, it’s always tough for family members and friends to watch someone run into financial problems from their gambling. Should you loan or give them money in this situation?
The experts say “no.” This may sound uncaring, but it’s really the only thing you can do so that the person gambling will experience the consequences of their gambling. If you bail them out, they don’t have to face the financial problems and can continue to gamble, adding to future problems. You can still make it clear that you will stand by them and will be there for them.

It can be very helpful for you and the person gambling if you gather as much information as possible about what is going on. Gaining an understanding about the issue always helps to minimise the impact harmful gambling may have on you and your whanāu/family.
It can be tricky to encourage people experiencing harm from gambling to seek help. It can be helpful to just talk to the person about this, and provide contact information for counselling and support services. Getting professional support is really helpful - there is absolutely no judgement, just support to work things through.
Whānau/Family and friends of people who are gambling harmfully often have feelings of guilt, helplessness, frustration and anger. It is normal to feel those things and it can be hard to know where to turn or who to talk to for assistance, so isolation may occur.
There are several things you can do to lessen the impact of the harmful gambling on yourself and your family: protecting your finances, maintaining physical and emotional well-being, taking time for yourself, and finding a person you can trust to talk to.
Friends and whānau/family often feel isolated and are afraid of being judged or blame themselves for not doing something to stop the gambling earlier. You are not personally responsible for ‘fixing’ the person’s gambling problems, nor did you cause them. Getting help and support for yourself is important; talking with a friend, someone in your whānau/family or a counsellor can bring a different perspective and help you problem solve. Counsellors are knowledgeable about the nature of the gambling problems and are bound by rules around confidentiality. All our counselling is free for whānau or friends affected by gambling harm so come and see us. We'll help you put some strategies in place to help you and the person you're supporting.